In recent months, I feel like like my friends and love ones have been tiptoeing around me a little bit. I feel like when I walk into a room that’s bright and light, full of laughter and joy, people’s eyes go to the floor. They stifle their laughter and put on their mourning faces.
Although there is a time for mourning, those who mourn need joy too. We need joy. We need lightness in our lives, to remind us that joy really does exist in the world. I have been so thankful for one of my dear friends that asks me tell me as many good things as you just told me bad things.
I will be frank. I want to know that you’re expecting. I don’t want you to hide it from me. I want to celebrate that with you. I may go home and cry when I find out, or I may cry my eyes out in the car or in the bathroom, but it’s not because I’m not happy for you. It’s because I ache for myself.
Please don’t leave me out of your joy. Please don’t decide that I can’t handle your joy. I may have trouble handling it. I may not be able to come to showers, or I may need a long time to think about if I’m in a good mental place to hold your newborn baby on a particular day. I may “unfollow” you on Facebook, because I don’t know how a post about your pregnancy will hit me in the middle of the day. I mean, I cried because I saw a Penn Station today (it reminded me of a pregnancy craving). But I want to share your joy. I want to rejoice with you.
When you’re with those who mourn, please don’t hide your joy. I appreciate your sensitivity to my mourning, but please give me the option to participate. If I tell you that I just can’t handle it right now, please have grace with me. But, please, don’t forget to share your joy with me.
Throughout the month of October, I’m writing a series titled “Hopeful Grief” with a fabulous group of writers, doing the Write31Days challenge. To catch up, or see new posts, click here. Interested in last year’s Write31Days posts? Click here. Know someone that this series may touch? Share as you see fit.
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